I Love You
by fieryirishgirl
Summary: Kitty tries to convince John that loving someone is okay. Post X3 Oneshot


She stood there, not saying a word nor moving a muscle. Her eyes bore into his, trying to find some sane reason behind his leaving. Millions of questions filled her mind, so many in fact that she had to bite down on her tongue until it bled, so they wouldn't slip out. Kitty Pryde wasn't about to loose her head over anyone, least of all John Allerdyce, the man who broke the untouchable girl, the girl who could let anything pass through her, who no one could touch. John Allerdyce had touched her in a way that no one could imagine, and her had broken her beyond repair.

"Why?"

Her voice was cold and sharp, cutting to the point and emotionless.

"Why what?"

His voice lacked the usual tone of cockiness. It sounded defeated and vulnerable, and very unlike John. His question received a snort and an eye roll of disbelief.

"Well let's start at the beginning. That's always a good place to start. Why did you burn down that cure center? Why did you burn those cops at Bobby's house? Why did you leave with Magneto? Why did you turn your back on your friends? Why didn't you ever call me, or try and contact me? Why-" Kitty bit down on her bottom lip, trying to hold her next question in, and trying not to cry. She didn't want to give _him,_ the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Too many tears had been shed over deaths, fights, the War, too many nights sobbing her heart out over him.

Kitty turned around, turning her back on him as he had done to her and the X-Men, not wanting him to see the tears that had built up in her eyes.

"Why did you kiss Iceman?"

His question surprised her, along with the hoarse whisper of a voice that had asked it. Kitty turned back around after making sure that her tears where under control.

"Bobby was there. You weren't. I was hurt, and sad, and needed someone."

The answer was simple, and to the point, yet it hurt John more than a thousand shots filled with the cure shoved into his back.

A silence fell. Both the pyromaniac and ghost girl had many questions they wanted to ask, so many things they wanted resolved; yet neither of them knew how to ask for the answers. Finally Kitty spoke, so quietly that John hardly heard her.

"Do you love me?"

He looked up into her brown eyes. They had been dull and emotionless when she had first entered his holding cell. Dispassionate from the wall of protection she had put up around herself, trying to help herself from getting hurt even more. Now that wall had come down, her eyes unmasked, showing her thoughts, her feelings, her soul, things that John wasn't sure he was ready to see. He didn't want to know all the hell he had put her through. All the pain and confusion.

She walked over to where he sat on the white iron cast bed, and crouched down in front of him, forcing him to look at her.

"Do you love me?" Kitty repeated, her voice more firm, though quavering slightly with emotion from the sobs she was trying desperately to hold back.

"No, I don't love you." He responded meekly, trying to get away from her forceful gaze.

The dam broke, and the tears came pouring out. Kitty thought that he had broken her beyond repair, and she was wrong. John had just broken her more, and she wasn't sure that she could handle it.

"I don't love you." He continued, focusing his gaze on some random item in the room. "I don't love you because I know if you love me back, life would just get more fucked up. Itd get more confusing and more shitty. You don't need to love a guy like me Kitten; you need a golden boy like Iceman, or that Russian Colossus. Someone that deserves you and won't hurt you. I just can't let myself ruin your life even more. I can't let myself love you."

Kitty looked up into his eyes, but John refused to meet her gaze. Her hand reached up to touch his face, but he grabbed her wrist to stop her.

"Kitten we can't. There can't be a 'we'. We can't love each other." He pleaded.

"I love you John." She whispered as he shook his head, refusing to accept it. Kitty continued on. "I love you and I can't forget about you and move on. I love you."

"No! You can't! You fucking can't! I'm not supposed to get the girl! I don't deserve to get the girl. I've killed people! I'm a murder, and I deserve shit!" John stood up, knocking Kitty over. Tears were welling up in his eyes, but he angrily brushed them away.

"Get out." John finally whispered, taking a deep breath and pointing to the door. Kitty didn't budge.

"Get OUT!" He roared, but still she didn't move, she wasn't about to give up on him yet.

"I love you, and I can't change my mind. I'll always love you, no matter what." Kitty stood up and walked towards John who instinctively backed up until he was up against the white walls.

"I love you." She whispered with one final attempt for that day to get it through his thick head. Kitty leaned in to kiss him, but John turned his head so instead her lips brushed against his jaw line, sending a tingling sensation through out his whole body.

"I'll be back tomorrow." She whispered as she turned to leave.

John nodded. She always came back, day after day, week after week. Kitty always came back, and every day they went through the same thing, she loving him, and he loving her as well, though never admitting it.

As he watched her phase through the door, John couldn't help but whisper the words she was patiently waiting to hear.

"I love you too Kitten, I love you too."


End file.
